A pretty thorough analysis. Who she is, and what drives her.
Full story:
http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/04/basic-bitch-who-is-she.html?om_rid=AAAyE1&om_mid=_BTRvhRB85UtJGi
photo source: reflexembroidery.com
You Knew It Was Coming: Parents Now Naming Their Babies “Khaleesi”
As the hit HBO series “Game of Thrones” becomes more and more popular, some fans are no longer content to interact with the characters solely as spectators on Sunday nights– they want a Khaleesi of their own. According to data from the Social Security Administration, 146 girl-children were named Khaleesi in 2012, after the airing of season 1. Takeaways? Parents are embracing a strong, formidable female for their children to look to as a namesake. Or, perhaps they are hoping that their daughters grow up to be hot blondes that can birth dragons.
source: http://popwatch.ew.com/2014/04/09/game-of-thrones-baby-names/
Throwback Clip: Terry Tate, Office Linebacker
Male Stripper Hired to Make it Clap at Nursing Home– Lawsuit Follows
Rumor has it, old people are having sex– lots of it. So it should come as no shock that sexed up nursing home residents, often confined to the home, are missing some… activities that they may have enjoyed if they lived on the outside. However, not everyone was pleased that their elderly loved ones were subjected to the torturous gyrations of an exotic dancer, as a relative of one resident has filed a lawsuit against the home, complaining that residents were forced to tip with their own money.
Source and full story: http://www.cnn.com/2014/04/08/us/nursing-home-stripper-lawsuit/?c=&page=2
Sick Beard, Ke$ha!
My iPhone has been pretty glitchy lately. The result has been… Interesting. Can you spot what is wrong with these pictures?
Explaining My First Black Eye Since Age 12
I deserved it. Just like I had deserved the first one. I was twelve years old, a tomboy playing a game of pool with a group of 15 year old boys. I talked a little too much shit and bam– pool stick to the eye. This time, the circumstances were different. I was older now… A laaaady (Shananay from Martin voice). Although the circumstances had changed, the premise was the same– I had acted out, and there were consequences. It all started two days ago, when I noticed that Pathmark was having a sale on Talenti gelato. Like most people with taste buds, I love ice cream, gelato, and damn near every other frozen treat, but my frugality and my taste for the finer things found themselves in conflict, as they often do. Talenti is expensive, especially when compared to America’s Choice ice cream, which was situated in the adjacent freezer. But with flavors like Caramel Sea Salt, Pistachio, and Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip, I could only stave off the temptation for so long. When I noticed those bright yellow and red sale signs, an equally bright lightbulb switched on in my head– I would fill my grocery cart with as many jars of Talenti gelato as my freezer could accommodate. I barely made it home, my arms quivering with the weight of pints and pints of gelato, a rainbow of frozen heaven.
Fast forward to this morning, ever in a rush, I went to the kitchen for some frozen turkey breast to bring for lunch. The way my refrigerator is set up, there is a cooler on the bottom and a freezer on the top, which, because of my diminutive height, opens above my head. Having forgotten all about the Gelato, which I had haphazardly placed in the freezer two days previously, I opened the freezer wide, and my face was ambushed– pummeled by an avalanche of hard, frozen, Talenti gelato jars. As a God-fearing Christian and as a gym-goer with a Miami bachelorette party to attend in less than a month, I know the consequences of gluttony– hellfire and a booty-do. God had smited me.
My left eye took the hardest hit, and I am currently nursing some swelling and redness, which I am hoping will not get progressively worse throughout the day. But on the bright side, I certainly have no shortage of frozen items to place on my eye. Brr.
Photo source: billboard.com
Definition: Fucks-Capacitor(TM)
Fucks-Capacitor (FUX-cup-ASS-it-or)- noun. A device that measures the amount of fucks a person has left to give within a set time frame, (usually a day or week) or fucks that a person has left allocated to give a specific person. Once a person’s Fucks-Capacitor(TM) reaches zero, they are no longer able to conform their actions to the guidelines set forth by decent society. Usage: 1. “I was going to keep my heels on, but by the end of the night my Fucks-Capacitor(TM) was on zero, so I walked home barefoot in the snow.” 2. “I wasn’t going to drag her, but she tried me, and my Fucks-Capacitor(TM) was already in the red.”
Gif source: http://giphy.com/gifs/qSTSnzuVr0SU8
Dominican Dynamite
Do you ever wonder if you have a cross-cultural doppelgänger somewhere in the world? Me neither. But I just saw a Dominican Napoleon Dynamite lookalike on the subway platform. He had curly black hair, glasses, and instead of hoarding tots, he was mouth-breathing through a cheesy quesadilla. Cheese was oozing everywhere, all down his forearm, but he didn’t seem to notice or care. His Fucks-Capacitor ™ was on zero. You go boy. Use a napkin for what?
Photo source: http://wifflegif.com/gifs/67107-napoleon-dynamite-tater-tots-gif
Started From the Bottom: One Woman’s Journey from Lawyer, to Intern, to Fashion Boss at WSG
If you’re like many people (cough cough, LAWYERS), you probably spend hours every day pondering the mysteries of the universe, including, but not limited to where things went wrong and how all of your backbreakingly hard work landed you in a job that you hate. But take heart– you can always stop doing what you hate and start doing what you love, like Preetma Singh, who went from ashy lawyer to classy fashionista.
Read full story: http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/02/meet-preetma-singh-lawyer-turned-fashion-editor.html?mid=facebook_thecutblog
Source: New York Magazine
Feel some type of way?
Oh, your cat died? Your boyfriend cheated, you say? Someone at the office finished the joe without making some more? Or maybe you just witnessed the birth of your first child? How does that make you feel? Some type of way.
Popularized by reality tv, and by the nearly incoherent lyrics of a song by Rich Homie Quan, some type of way is the perfect way to feel. It is the perfect cop out emotion, because it allows us to answer questions about our feelings without actually having to scour the depths of our souls to discover our genuine emotional truths. It serves a dual purpose, because it also allows us to claim that our emotions are being unfairly represented in the event that it is not beneficial for us to feel the type of way that the other person has interpreted us as describing.
However, in a recently uncovered plot, scientists are conspiring to thwart our attempts to stay in a fight/pout/not talk about it/get makeup bags, by inventing 15 new emotions… Because “happy,” “sad,” and “flawless” weren’t enough. According to New York Magazine, “These emotions, labeled ‘compound emotions,’ are combinations of the six basic ones, according to an Ohio State University paper published in PNAS. The researchers liken it to mixing paints: mix red and blue, and you get angrily sad (or purple).”
The whole thing is enough to make you yearn for the days when grunts and gestures were used in place of words. But perhaps Rich Homie Quan is close enough.
source: http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/04/science-has-found-fifteen-new-emotions.html?mid=facebook_thecutblog
The Ratchette 
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