Do you ever wonder if you have a cross-cultural doppelgänger somewhere in the world? Me neither. But I just saw a Dominican Napoleon Dynamite lookalike on the subway platform. He had curly black hair, glasses, and instead of hoarding tots, he was mouth-breathing through a cheesy quesadilla. Cheese was oozing everywhere, all down his forearm, but he didn’t seem to notice or care. His Fucks-Capacitor ™ was on zero. You go boy. Use a napkin for what?