The Blessed Paradox: “God has given me soo much… more than he gave you.”


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When actors and athletes win awards, there are certain things we may expect from them in their acceptance speeches. Tears. Mentions of family members. Grattitude to God. And for those of us who believe in a higher power, we feel it is only right that someone who has been given such a great talent should give thanks to the Creator, who could easily have made them ugly or fat or tone deaf.

But with the onset of social media, basic bitches and basic bros alike have been given a platform to give their own acceptance speeches of sorts. These speeches come in the form of their Facebook statuses, Instagram posts, and Tweets. Except in their cases, these people haven’t won any award, nor have they been recognized for any great talent. Which can leave one wondering, what are you so thankful for? God kinda fucked you over.

Ok. So maybe that’s a little extreme. God didn’t fuck them over per se. He just did not give them the blessings that they are claiming. For example, you may come across a youtube video of someone butchering your favorite Aliyah song, and in the description, the singer has said “I thank Jesus every day for blessing me with a voice as sweet as honey. You are all bearing witness to God’s glory, amen.” Meanwhile, Jesus is pacing heaven talmbout, “These chicks gonna keep my name out they mouth!” and Aliyah is turning over in her grave. Now, am I saying this person is not blessed? No. But their blessing is their health, or the food on their table, or the fact that they have not been evicted following the numerous noise complaints from their singing. After all, things can ALWAYS be worse. Your busted embarrassment of a car can always pop a tire, and someone who is already ugly can get fat on top of being ugly. And of course there is the fact that not one of us has any guarantee that we will wake up the next morning. So yes, it is absolutely right to be thankful for our true, non-delusional blessings.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are people who actually are quite talented or beautiful. Those people may also thank God, but sometimes seem to have nefarious reasons for doing so. Example: one of the thots you follow on Instagram has posted a new duck-lipped bathroom selfie of herself leaning over the sink, ‘kini top precariously close to slipping off her breast. She has captioned the photo, “Thank God for all-a-dis. You bitches wish you were this blessed. Praying for you haters! *smooches*” In this case, the woman in the picture is clearly devoutly religious. After all, she is giving God the credit for what she has, which seems like a good thing. But she is also rubbing her blessings in your face, which is sort of really mean. It says, “God loved me more.” Which I’m pretty sure runs counter to the humility that is the supposed basis for giving thanks.

We all have bad habits and personality flaws. At the same time, we are all blessed in our way, and expressions of gratitude in place of negativity can have a transformative effect on our culture. But the next time that you wish to express gratitude, just try to be less of a prick about it so that God doesn’t start shooting lightening bolts at that ass.


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