How to Tell if Your Date is a Dummy Before He Says a Word


Ladies these days are super busy. We simply do not have the time to get to know a person before making snap judgements– an inefficiency that has led to countless hours wasted on first dates with bland simpletons. Well finally, science to the rescue! Modern day phrenologists have discovered that indeed you CAN judge a book by its cover! Intelligence can “reliably” be predicted by facial features.
“‘Faces that are perceived as highly intelligent are rather prolonged with a broader distance between the eyes, a larger nose, a slight upturn to the corners of the mouth, and a sharper, pointing, less rounded chin,’ the authors described. ‘By contrast, the perception of lower intelligence is associated with broader, more rounded faces with eyes closer to each other, a shorter nose, declining corners of the mouth, and a rounded and massive chin.'”
But wait, you say? Phrenology, and similar science was discredited centuries ago! You know plenty of men with round chins and close together eyes that are extremely intelligent. You went to an Ivy League school, and they were not all clones!
That evidence is anecdotal, and you too are an idiot. Sorry, science said so!
But men, if you’re thinking that this study can also be applied to female intelligence, not so fast. According to the study, female intelligence could not be accurately predicted by facial features. One possible explanation for this is that female intelligence correlates instead with hair color and bra size, which was not included in the study. Further test groups of blondes with large racks are currently being assembled for further investigation.

*This post is satirical, but the scientific study is not.

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